The Hidden Influence of Other People's Approval

We often think financial decisions are rational.

How much do I earn?

What can I afford?

What should I save?

What should I invest?

But beneath those questions can be another layer:

What will other people think?

I saw this clearly while working with a young couple preparing to buy their first home.

I'll call them Louise and Joe.

Louise was always mindful about money. Joe earned a good income but regularly spent it on expensive hobbies and equipment.

When we explored what was behind those purchases, Joe revealed something important.

He wanted to share those experiences with his father.

More than that, he wanted his father to see that he was doing well.

As we explored his story, Joe began to recognise a pattern: material things had become connected with attention, achievement and approval.

He had received plenty of things from his father growing up.

What he hadn't received in the same way was the time and connection he wanted.

That distinction mattered.

Because as an adult, Joe was still making financial choices around the hope of receiving something that money couldn't buy.

Financial identity is rarely created in isolation.

Our relationship with money develops through experiences.

Family. 

Culture.

Relationships. 

Messages about success. 

Messages about security.

And the people whose opinions matter most to us.

These influences can become so familiar that we stop noticing them.

Until we pause and ask:

“Is this actually what I want?”

Joe eventually recognised that his desire for his father's approval was influencing not only his spending, but also his willingness to pursue his own business ambitions.

Awareness didn't change his past.

But it gave him something valuable: Choice.

Choice about what success meant.

Choice about where his money went.

Choice about whose approval mattered.

And choice about the financial life he wanted to create with Louise.

This is the deeper conversation Financial Identity invites us to explore.

Not simply:

“What should I do with my money?”

But:

“What is influencing the way I make this decision?”

Because sometimes the most important financial decision isn't about money at all.

It's about deciding whose story you're living.